Awesome Movie Reviews: Million Dollar Baby
March 29th 2005 @ 10:44 am All Categories,Movie Reviews

I finally saw Million Dollar Baby.

The movie stars Hilary Swank as a girl who wants to be a boxer… She harasses Clint Eastwood’s character to be her manager until he finally caves in and agrees. I don’t blame him for giving in, she’s kind of cute even with the horse teeth and that annoying hillbilly accent. I figure that if I was all old and crusty, like Clint, and this was the only chick hanging around my smelly gym, I’d go for her too.

She ends up being a really good boxer and is able to kick all of her opponents asses easily and quickly which makes her move up in ranks pretty quick. This part would scare me if I scored her as a girlfriend… If I said something stupid, she’d be able to knock me out with one punch and I’d feel like a pussy. I’d want my girlfriend to at least throw three punches before laying me out so I wouldn’t feel so lame.

So she finally gets to fight for a title with this other mean boxer chick who fights dirty, and after the bell has sounded, with a sucker punch, the dirty boxer breaks Hilary’s neck and leaves her paralyzed… Clint stays honorably by her side as she’s now bedridden, completely paralyzed from the neck down and on a respirator. Hilary’s lame hillbilly family comes by and tries to get her to sign over her assets and boxing winnings over to them… Hilary tells them to get lost because she finally realizes that they’re lame like Clint already knows… She finally has had enough of being miserably paralyzed and asks Clint to kill her and put her out of her misery… Clint refuses… She ends up trying to kill herself by the only way she can, biting her tongue and trying to bleed to death or choke on the blood or something, I don’t know… But it was pretty gross anyway. The doctors stitch her up and save her, and she ends up biting through the stitches and trying to kill herself again. The doctors save her again, and block her tongue so she can’t bite it anymore and they keep her sedated so that she can’t do it again (Doctors are lame. I think they just want the money gravy train to keep rolling by keeping her as a patient. Greedy fuckers.)… Clint really starts feeling bad for her know and decides to help her out by doing what she asked him and killing her… He sneaks in the hospital and into her room, he tells her what he’s going to do, says a warm goodbye and cuts off her oxygen and gives her a lethal dose of adrenaline and she quickly passes aw- Wait… Everyone’s seen this movie, right? If you haven’t seen this movie, then don’t read this review, otherwise, you’ll know how it ends. Alright then, phew that was close… And so she quickly passes away…

So it was a good movie… It didn’t make me bawl like I did when E.T. Died, but it did make me feel somber, and a little depressed… So if you like feeling like crap, go see this movie.

Million Dollar Baby = 4 out of 5 Milk Duds.

-Sean

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