Groceries
March 1st 2005 @ 11:54 am All Categories

So,

With my new residence, I have the choice of three Safeways to do my shopping at between my work and new home.

Safeway 1… is right next to Santa Clara University which means college hotties out shopping for, I can only assume, whipped cream for their slumber parties… This one is good, except for the fact that all the sorority chicks just look at me like I’m a creepy old man… Which is an outrage! I’m actually a creepy old man who can ROCK their twenty-something world. Oh well, it’s their, and their tight little outfits that they wear over their hot little bodies, loss.

Safeway 2… The Midtown Safeway… This one is the huge Safeway with lots of stuff… So, it’s a pleasant shopping experience… It’s slim on the hotties, but there’s often some amusing White Trash that acts up there and they bark at their bratty kids who are always getting into mischief, and I’m always in the mood for free entertainment.

Safeway 3… MILF central! Full of Willow Glen broads who think their shit don’t stink. Most of them are pretty hot, even with that snobby look on their face. But that snobby look could just be a side effect from all the plastic surgery and botox that they made their rich husbands buy for them… I might have a better chance with these ones since chicks supposedly get hornier as they get older (I’m still waiting to see it though)… Unfortunately, most get uglier too, unlike us men, like me, who get “distinguished” looking as we get older. And even though their supposedly hornier, they, unfortunately, still have that stupid need for guys to “chase” and “win” them and I suck at that… It goes something like this, I smile and try and flirt (well, I try to smile although, I have that crooked smile which makes it look like I’m just smirking, or retarded or something which sucks.), so, I try and smile, and they give me that standard disgusted and pissy look, end of relationship. I suppose I could try some of my classic charm, find some woman next to the chicken bin and say, “Excuse me, hey, you’ve got some nice big breasts there!… A like a little Teriyaki slathered on them myself, mmmm, yummy!… And you have to marinade them with the bone in there, that’s where the flavor comes from. With the bone in the breasts, a natural sauce will eventually develop.” C’mon, How could they not resist that kind of charm!

So, young, tight hotties who think I’m disgusting and I have no chance with, but are way hot, White Trash entertainment, or old tight hotties who think I’m disgusting, but I might have a 1% chance with if they’re going through their menopause and their horny hormones are raging and they’ll hump anything, even me.

Which Safeway should I choose!?!??

-Sean

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