Vegas: Day 1
January 1st 2006 @ 5:22 pm All Categories,Vacations

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Luxor Decor

I bet the real egypt doesn’t have
margaritas in long plastic cups!

…We headed out back on the road and made it to Vegas at dusk, dumped Tim and Lance off at the Tropicana, and Farah and I headed over to the Luxor, of course I pick the shortest line at the registration desk, which ends up being the problem line and ends up not moving at all while the clerk tries to solve whatever problem is going on with the huge group of people in front of us… Eventually, a new clerk came out and started a new line, and we were checked in. We drug our bags over to the Inclinator® (The inclinator is actually just an elevator, but since the Luxor is a pyramid, their elevators run diagonally, or at an “incline” get it! Incline, Inclinator! Clever!!!) We get in the inclinator and for any floor, not just the top ones, the Luxor requires you to use you card key to go up… Of course they don’t tell you this… Naturally, You just get in and press your floor button, and the button flashes like an error indicator and then turns off, and your all, “What the fuck.” Then somebody in the inclinator who’s waiting for your dumb ass to activate your floor so the inclinator will move tells you, you have to use your card, so you put your card in the slot and press the button and the button flashes again… and you say “What the FUCK!” Then the the guy says, “No, you have to pull it out too.” So you pull it out and press the button and the button flashes and you say, “WHAT THE FUCK!!! Then the guy says, “No, you have to put it in and pull it out quickly, like your swiping the card, and so you put your card in, pull it out, and press the button and the button stays lit, and the inclinator starts moving and you say, “Jeez… what the fuck.”

Luxor Fourteenth Floor

Whoa! The Fourteenth Floor!

We get to our room on the fourteenth floor and it’s a cool room… All Egyptian flavored (of course). Number one on the list of things to do is to take a leak, so I throw the bags on the bed and run to the toilet. The lid on the toilet seat ends up not being able to stand up on it’s own, so after trying to slam it up a few times, I end up doing some gymnastics trying to figure out how to balance on one foot while holding the seat up with my other foot while aiming my wiener sort of underneath my leg to pee in the bowl… it was kind of impressive how I managed to make it all work, I wish I’d have had an audience to see it… I should’ve called to Farah, “HEY! CHECK THIS OUT! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!!” but I’d only known her for a few weeks… I figured it might be too soon for that kind of stuff.In the room, the outer glass wall is slanted inward toward the ceiling since it’s a Pyramid and I sort of conked my head into it when I went to look out. That got a laugh out of Farah, so at least I got some bonus points for being lame. It was already getting late, so I made some phone calls to check in with everybody who was already in Vegas, and then we laid around on the bed for a little bit and decompressed before heading out to party.

Later, Tim and Lance, who had already hooked up with their sister, Jen, walked over and met us at the Luxor and we all got in a cab and headed out to meet Tony and his friends at the Star Trek bar at the Hilton. We cab it over to the opposite end of the strip and make our way into Quark’s bar… We take the obligatory photos with the giant full size Gorn action figure that greets you at the entrance, and proceed to find Tony, Ron, and Tony’s family and friends already drinking and having dinner. We meet and greet everyone and grab a table next to theirs. The waitress comes around to take our order… Ah, finally, what I’ve been waiting weeks for, a giant Warp Core Breach…

Warp Core Breach Menu Item

You’re guaranteed a meltdown after drinking this!

We order a couple of the full size Warp Core Breaches, one for Tim and his sister and one for Farah and me… A Warp Core Breach is a drink that comes in an eight inch fishbowl that has five different kinds of rum mixed in with fruit punch, and to top it off, they throw in some dry ice to make it bubble fog out of it… Awesome!!!

Flaming Ribs of Targ Menu Item

Mmmm… Klingon Dog

I also ordered a plate of “Flaming Ribs of Targ” for dinner (A Targ is a Klingon dog.. Now that’s a badass meal!)

After about two inches of the six inch deep Warp Core Breach, I’m already buzzing… (remember it’s an 8” diameter fishbowl too.) While waiting for our food, I notice that Tim and his sisters drink has more dry ice smoke coming out of it and Farah and I have hardly any, so I start stirring the drink trying to activate the dry ice at the bottom… I can still see the drink bubbling even though there’s hardly any smoke, so I know that there’s some dry ice down there… I start whining about my misfortune and Jen tells me that I’m not supposed to stir it that that makes the dry ice float to the top and not fog up as much… I tell her, “But I’m stirring it to try and activate it… Everyone knows that if you want something to work that’s not working that you need to jostle it, hit it, or stir it to get it going!…” She says, not for dry ice… Now I’m pissed… I have almost no smoke left while theirs is gushing over the rim. The waitress comes around and I ask her for more dry ice, but she says she can’t do that… I told her, “Yeah, you can, look, I’ll take the fall for it if you get busted…” But I couldn’t talk her into it… And I’m left with a smokeless Warp Core Breach… Hmph. Eventually Tim’s a Jen’s smoke runs out too, and I laugh at them and say, “HAHA! Good! Misery loves company.”

After we finish are meal… Jen, who had the Targ ribs too, exclaims, “Wait! The Flaming Ribs of Targ, They were supposed to be on fire!!!” And I’m all, “WHAT!” And she says, “I remember when I had them here before, that they served them flaming… that’s why they’re called “Flaming Ribs or Targ”… Now, I’m really pissed… First my drink runs out of fog, then I find that my dinner was supposed to be on fire too and I didn’t get that either!!! FUCK!!! Burned again! That would’ve been awesome having having my food served to me on fire!!! Hmph. I’m sure they had to discontinue the fire thing after some moron burned himself on it… God! Idiots always ruin my fun!

After dinner, we all wandered over to the Star Trek souvenir shop… I was highly disappointed with the label on the Klingon Blood Wine bottles. They looked all goofy and cartoony… when it should have been a dark and foreboding label, the kind of label that would’ve have been designed by warriors for warriors… It’s friggin’ Klingon Blood Wine after all!!! Cripes… they lost a sale there. I would’ve bought a few bottles and served it up with the romantic flaming Hamburger Helper dinner I was now planning on making for Farah after we got back home. But without the Klingon wine, the wind in my sails regarding the flaming Hamburger Helper dinner faded. Eh, maybe I’ll still make it, throw some Bacardi 151 on it, that should make a good flame… I’ll make my own Klingon blood wine label to impress her with too and slap it on some Three Buck Chuck or something.

While at the Star Trek souvenir shop, Tony got a call from Ron who, when he returned from the bathroom, thought everyone bailed on him. Tony told him that we’d all be at the souvenir shop. When Ron came out of the bathroom, he didn’t see the cheap souvenir shop we were in, he saw the expensive high end shop that sells replica costumes and props and fancy thousand dollar Star Trek jewelry and crap. But that shop was closed, so Ron thought we bailed on him and so he decided to go to the Flamingo casino. Tony got a call from him when he got to the Flamingo. We were pretty much done with the Star Trek bar anyways, so we all loaded into cabs and headed to the Flamingo.

-Sean

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