Awesome Movie Reviews: House Of Wax
March 18th 2005 @ 10:18 am All Categories,Movie Reviews

Even though it hasn’t come out yet, and I’ve only seen the online preview, I’m reviewing the new movie, “House of Wax.”

http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/house_of_wax/

This movie stars Elisha Cuthbert, a smokin’ hot chick, and also stars Paris Hilton, another smokin’ hot, albeit, annoying chick. It also stars some dudes, or whatever – who cares, in a horror movie where all these punk kids, who are out camping, encounter a weirdo, and eventually end up at his wax museum where the wax statues are made out of, get this, REAL people, and they end up having to run and fight for they’re lives!! Whoa!!!! How do they keep coming up with these original ideas!!!… This movie will rule… Why? Because, since Elisha’s name is first on the marquee, that means she will be the one who survives, which also means there will be a lot of screen time with her running around and screaming, plus there’s also a chance that the director will somehow manage to shoehorn in a scene where Elisha, or Paris, needs to be in a bra and panties, like at the end of ‘Alien’ with Sigourney Weaver is in that escape shuttle and has to blast the Alien out the airlock, or the movie ‘Deep Blue Sea’, when that hot chick had to strip down to get into a wet suit or something, that was some awesome direction. And even though the film is not yet rated, I’m sure it will be an ‘R’ since it’s a horror flick, which means the chances of some naked boobs popping up aren’t out of the question (Paris’ boobs maybe? She seems to have no qualms about showing them.). Paris’ name is second banana on the marquee, which means that she’s on the list to die, and that, my friends, will be worth the price of admission itself, getting to see Paris Hilton permanently shut up. In these types of horror movies, formula has it that only one or two people are allowed to live in the end, so that also means that most if not all (please be all) of the good looking dudes will get killed off too… See, I told you it’s an excellent movie!!!

So, go see House of Wax to see a bunch of good looking dudes and Paris Hilton get killed, if your a cute girl, please come to the movie with me, for horror movies, I need someone to hold me, and press they’re boobs up against me to keep me from getting scared.

-Sean

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