The Man List
November 23rd 2005 @ 9:52 am All Categories

My buddy, Jack, e-mailed this to me…

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note … these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
——————————-
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
——————————-
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
——————————-
1. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
——————————-
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
——————————-
1. Crying is blackmail.
——————————-
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
——————————-
1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
——————————-
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
——————————-
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
——————————-
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
——————————-
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
——————————-
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
——————————-
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
——————————-
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
——————————-
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
——————————-
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
——————————-
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
——————————-
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
——————————-
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
——————————-
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
——————————-
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
——————————-
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
——————————-
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
——————————-
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
——————————-
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
——————————-
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
——————————-
1. It is neither in yours or our best interest to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
——————————-
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that? it’s like camping.

Now, while I agree on most points… There are a few that can be updated…

I agree that short hair on a chick CAN be a snorefest… But it can also be hot if it’s an all girly cut, all sassy and sexy, it’s all how the girl wears it! (In Sub-Commander T’Pols case, I think it’s her space outfit that makes the short hair work.)

Jaime Pressly and Tpol
Nice!

Also, while I agree that the whole yapping during television thing that girls do can be annoying… Thanks to modern day man scientists and the invention of Tivo, that’s now a thing of the past as illustrated in this cartoon that I drew…

Man Woman and Tivo

As for the toilet seat thing… Ever since that 10” rat popped up and out in my toilet seven years ago… I always keep the seat down, top lid and all…

also, let’s fix that “In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.” Let’s reduce that down to one day, or even half a day.

-Sean

rss no comments
comment on this article

Enter characters from the image: