Go to bed married, wake up divorced
March 29th 2006 @ 10:43 am All Categories,News
The Triple Talaq

The famous Triple Talaq is in the news again…

Man Accidentally Divorces Wife in Sleep

NEW DELHI (AP) – Village elders ordered a Muslim man in eastern India to leave his wife after he accidentally divorced her in his sleep, a news report said Tuesday.

Aftab Ansari uttered the Urdu word for divorce, “talaq,” three times in his sleep, prompting his worried wife to discuss the matter with her friends, according to the Press Trust of India news agency.

Under Islamic law, a husband need only say “I divorce you” three times to secure a permanent end to his marriage.
Muslim leaders in the couple’s village in West Bengal state found out and decreed that Ansari’s unconscious utterances constituted a divorce, PTI reported.

But 30-year-old Ansari said he had no intention of leaving his wife of 11 years.

“I have not given talaq. When I uttered talaq three times I had taken medicines to help me sleep,” he was quoted as saying in the report.
The religious leaders said that before remarrying, the couple would have to be apart for at least 100 days and that the wife, Sohela, would also have to spend a night with another man and then be divorced by him.

PTI reported that the couple has been ostracized because of their refusal to abide by the decision of the village leaders.


All this guy needs to do is a little research… In religion, if there’s a law somewhere, you’re pretty much guaranteed that somewhere down the line somebody else has reinterpreted and rewrote the law to fit they’re needs and incorporated it into the religion… With just a little Wikipedia clicking, the guy can slap that famous hadith, Rukanah v. Islam, back at his religious leaders and tell them, “I said the triple talaq in one sitting, so shut the fuck up… I’m still married, the prophet says so!”

One relevant hadith:

Once Rukanah pronounced three divorces against his wife but later he was very sorry for it. When the Prophet asked him, How did you divorce your wife? Rukanah replied that he had pronounced three divorces. The Prophet asked, Did you pronounce it in one sitting? When he said, Yes, the Noble Prophet said, Treat it as one divorce only and if you want you can take your wife back. And Rukanah took his wife back. Musnad Ahmad ibn Hanbal


If that doesn’t work, then he should just change factions or denominations, that way he can still be married AND faithful to Islam… When the religious leaders say, “Sorry bro, you said the triple talaq, in the eyes of Allah, you are now divorced…”, Aftab could just say, “Oh yeah, well, I now declare myself a Shi’a and we don’t believe in the stupid triple talaq, so you can suck it you stupid ignorant Sunni, you’re a disgrace to Mohammed, and I’m still married.”

Bam! Problem solved.

Shi’a and Sunni traditions

While Shi’a and Sunni accept the same sacred text, the Qur’an, they differ somewhat in their approach to recorded oral tradition, or hadith. Shi’a believe that the split between the Shi’a and Sunni began with Muhammad’s death, when a small number of Muslims supported the successorship of Ali and the rest accepted Abu Bakr, then Umar and Uthman.


Shi’a view triple talaq as a jahiliyya custom, forbidden by Muhammad, reinstalled by Umar and hence haraam. Twelvers believe that if three divorces are pronounced together, even one divorce does not take place.

Hey, if anyone else out there is having trouble with their religion trying to boss them around, let me know… I’ll help you find away around those pesky religious laws… If we can’t find a workaround, we’ll just write some amendments and append some new laws into the religion, maybe even create a new denomination, or, hell, a whole new religion for you to follow, that way, you can just write your own book to suit your own needs… You might even become a religious leader and be able to make some money with it! That’s where such entrepreneurs as The Reverend Sun Myung Moon, L. Ron Hubbard, Jerry Falwell, Robert Tilden, and Pat Robertson amongst many, many others got their starts and ended up amassing their great fortunes. KA-CHING!


rss 2 comments
  1. Greg
    March 29th, 2006 | 10:53 am

    Do they get half/all of your shit too? Where do you come up with this stuff?

  2. March 29th, 2006 | 1:05 pm

    “Do they get half/all of your shit too?”

    I dunno… I doubt it… With the triple Talaq, it sounds like the men are making all of the rules in that religion… so I’d guess that once the dude says, “I divorce you! I divorce you! I divorce you!” a swift kick in the butt out the door is all she gets….

    “Where do you come up with this stuff?”

    History, religion, and the daily news write all of my comedy.

comment on this article

Enter characters from the image: